Workman Chronicles 

By Morris Workman

"Shower Warning Device"

October 18, 2005

Once again, I’m lost in a luxurious shower of steaming hot water and silky suds, letting my muse whisper in my ear while preparing for another day of journalistic battle.

Suddenly, a stinging barrage of cold water hits my skin like the attack of the ice mites.

Yes, someone in the other bathroom (presumably my teenage daughter with the shower addiction) has started their own shower, robbing me of the precious contents of the water heater.

Without warning.

It made me realize that someone needs to invent a Shower Warning Device.

I’m envisioning a large flashing red sign similar to the “On The Air” light found at TV and radio studios.

You would hit a button before entering the shower, which would light the sign in the other bathroom as a warning to anyone contemplating a shower or flush.

The deluxe model would be automatic, with the sign lighting up whenever someone turns on the shower faucet.

The super-deluxe model would automatically turn off the water to any liquid-control device in the house (other shower, sinks, toilet, washing machines, dishwashers, and refrigerator ice makers) until the main shower was completed.

Following this episode, I was pining for the good old days, acknowledging that the development of the multi-bathroom abode wasn’t such a great advancement after all.

As a kid, our house had one bathroom.

I know the concept is as antiquated as the telephone party line, but it was far more practical.

Like a “poop party line,” only one person could use the bathroom at a time.

It also made it pretty easy for everyone else in the house to realize that a shower was taking place.

If the bathroom door had a decent lock, it also cut off access to the most dangerous burn-inflicting device in the house.

No, not the stove.

With a stove, you knew it was hot.

If you got burned, it was usually your own stupidity or a plastic-army-man experiment gone awry.

The burn inflicting device to which I am referring is a flushed toilet.

(Which could take your showering experience from comfortable to scalding in 2.3 seconds.)

The lock was sufficient notice to the other occupants of the residence that the water facilities were in use, ensuring a safe and enjoyable showering experience.

Unless of course you had a mischievous sibling with malicious flushing on their mind.

Today, with multiple bathrooms, every shower is like a reconnaissance mission in the jungle. 

You never know when a surprise scalding or fast freezing is imminent.

It comes without warning, and usually without remorse.

So to any inventors out there who might be tuning in, here is an idea for you to make your first million dollars.

Once you design it and market it, just send me 25 bucks and we’ll call it square.

And if that works, send me an e-mail and I’ll provide you with a few of my $100 ideas, brilliant flashes of inspiration that usually involve advanced plastics and frickin’ lasers.

Published online at the Workman Chronicles WebLog October 18, 2005.

For more articles or comments, visit the blog at workmanchronicles.blogspot.com.  

To e-mail the author regarding this article, send your e-mail to column@morrisworkman.com.