It’s official.  Today is my last day as the sports editor for the Desert Valley Times.  After two years with the newspaper, I have decided that it’s time to move on.  While there are different kinds...

It’s official.  Today is my last day as the sports editor for the Desert Valley Times.  After two years with the newspaper, I have decided that it’s time to move on.  While there are different kinds...

There is a move afoot to split up the Las Vegas School District .  (Yes, I know they are technically the “ Clark County School District ,” but trust me, the LVSD title is more accurate.)

There is a California loon (which is a lunatic from the Golden State, not a warbling lakeside bird, although they both tend to squawk, flap their wings, and make a lot of noise without any meaningful...

A wise man once said that the easiest way to get through life without an argument is to never discuss politics or religion.  I swear to God the guy was probably right. I’m about to open up...

Today is my favorite holiday.  I’ll admit, Christmas is nice.  It would be better if you could eliminate the obligatory waste of life-minutes in your nearest wallet-emptying facility (also known as Wal Mart...

The problems keep piling up for America ’s largest retailer.  These days, Wal Mart must feel like they’ve got a target on their back (no pun intended), as they continue to get hammered in the...

Okay, whoever failed to pay Mesquite ’s heating bill is instructed to immediately make amends with the appropriate utility company and return our desert oasis back to it’s intended condition of...

No matter where you live, there is something nearby that warrants your visit.  It could be the world’s biggest snot collection, or something similarly disturbing, but every area has something... 

“Welcome to DBC’s coverage of the annual Spacy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. “First, we’d like to take a moment to offer our thanks for the many blessings we have received, namely the...

Here’s the latest news flash: People sometimes get injured and, gasp, even killed during war. I know, a startling revelation that has some do-gooders absolutely apoplectic. The word comes from...

Scientists in California have discovered some fish off the coast of SoCal .  Not a big deal unless you’re a fisherman with a seaworthy boat.  But these fish are unique.  They are male fish that can... 

I recently read an article where researchers claim certain breeds of male mice can sing. This immediately led my fractured brain to two questions. First, which government agency paid for such a... 

I have an important message I want to impart. I believe it to be timely, topical, cogent, and worthwhile. It will probably be funny, highly entertaining, socially meaningful and politically incorrect.

A news flash for you:  The World Is Going To Hell In A Handbasket. I remember my first encounter with that statement. At 8 years old, I overheard my paternal grandfather punctuating a... 

It seems that every entity with a cash register and a tax ID number is currently offering their Christmas wares.  For those of you who are calendar challenged, let me give you a hint: It’s barely... 

Every time the wind blows hard, some politician stands up and makes menacing remarks about the legal woes that will befall anyone who dares to gouge victims for things like ice, water...

It’s time for us to ban all investments.  We need to shutter the New York Stock Exchange, layoff everyone from the American Stock Exchange, and retrain stock brokers and analysts for exciting... 

Once again, I’m lost in a luxurious shower of steaming hot water and silky suds letting my muse whisper in my ear while preparing for another day of journalistic battle.  Suddenly, a stinging...

Welcome to the new home for the Workman Chronicles.  Okay, it’s the same old home.  But it’s now the sole repository for these rambling diatribes, since the Workman Chronicles is no longer...

I’ve been thinking about joining the board of an HOA recently.  It’s not that I have some overwhelming desire to bully innocent lawn ornaments or join the garden-hose patrol, but I can see the...

I miss neckties.  For our younger readers who have probably never seen one, a necktie was a piece of cloth men used to wrap around their throats and drape across the front of their... 

In light of the recent catastrophe in New Orleans , I felt it my civic duty to provide a list of pointers to those suffering from Katrina’s wrath, as well as a helpful guide in the event other communities...

I believe that Benjamin Franklin once wrote “A job well done never need be done again.”  Even if he didn’t write it, he’s a dead public figure, so I’m going to blame him. Franklin is without a doubt my... 

This week’s Chronicles is for a friend of mine who unexpectedly lost her brother last week.  Hopefully she can find a smile in here somewhere.  I hate it when someone close to me loses someone.

You know it’s a bad day when I start quoting Rodney King.  But if I had my way, the CC&Rs for every homeowners association in Mesquite would begin with the line, “Can’t we all just get along?”

There are many advantages to having a new hospital in our community. The obvious ones have a lot to do with proximity to major supplies of bandages after a close encounter with such...

Her last words as I left her desk are still ringing in my ears. “I don’t want to see anything about the DMV in your paper next week.” I get a lot of that these days. In fact, if I heeded those words...

The space shuttle Discovery finally launched last week after being in the garage for the last two years. Apparently, the mechanics over at NASA aren’t that hot, since they weren’t able to...

We’ve been condemned to mediocrity by our zeal for perfection.  That’s my official ruling on music, particularly country music. First the disclaimer.  Once upon a time, I was a small-time country...

As television viewers, we’ll watch anything.  For years, people have been carping about the downward spiral in TV fare.  While I don’t think we’ve hit rock bottom yet, I believe we’re close...

Has there ever been an invention as wondrous as the snooze button?  You know, the little device on most modern alarm clocks that you can hit which shuts off that beep/buzz/wah/annoying...

One of the topics featured at last week’s City Council meeting was a hearing on a proposed new restaurant.  Well, actually, a new restaurant and bar.  Okay, according to the license sought by...

First, I want to thank Scott Garner, the star of the hit show “Highly Sophisticated Rednecks,” who inspired this thread.  He got me to thinking about my brief career as a radio sports announcer.

In the course of daily events, we often take for granted the mundane chores done on our behalf by store clerks, receptionists, tellers, and technicians.  Unless we happen to...

I’m not much of an overseas traveler. In fact, the only time I’ve left American borders was a trip to the International House of Pancakes.  Okay, I did visit San Luis , Mexico back in April, but... 

It’s easy to find faults and flaws in today’s society, providing enough literary inspiration to keep a whiny old columnist like myself in material for centuries.  Every once in a while, I find...

I have a pet peeve, an ongoing bone to pick with American car manufacturers.  It’s similar to my take on the downward spiraling movie makers in Hollywood , but I’ll save that for another time...

“Fire on the mountain, run boys run.”  Boy, that Charlie Daniels guy sure knows how to give a weather report.  Last year around this time, I remember that being a popular catch-phrase out West...

Back when civilization was fresh out of the oven and still cooling on history’s window sill, the human condition was examined by such great men as Aristotle, Plato, and Socrates.

A news flash for you:  The World Is Going To Hell In A Handbasket.  I remember my first encounter with that statement.  At 8 years old, I overheard my paternal grandfather punctuating...

Here’s a tip for any budding humor columnists out there. When that inevitable writer’s block rears its ugly head, simply turn on your TV. It’s like the toy box for playful minds.

Traveling from Florida to Utah gave me new respect for the Pioneers who settled this land. After selling our house in 2001, my wife and I filled our Conestoga wagon (a Budget rental van)...

...This is the footnote that is popping up on business faxes all over the country.  Once upon a time in a soul-less city not so far away, some bright but bored attorney sat down at another in a long line...

I try to keep an open mind about religion, although I am wary of nearly every organized religious body.  The recent stir about Tom Cruise and his belief in Scientology made me curious.

I came across a message website recently that claimed I was a complete idiot.  They didn’t elaborate as to what I did to earn such a moniker, but it was in print, so it has to be true.  I’m thinking of... 

Like most writers, I have fantasized regularly about publishing that “Great American Novel” and being swept away on the tides of outrageous fortunes.  Lowering my sights a little, lately I’ve...

It is an unfortunate fact that, unless we’re electing a President or the newest American Idol, too many citizens in this country could care less about voting. The further down the political totem poll...

After a relatively long period of monetary stability, it appears that America ’s financial underpinnings are in flux.  It’s not the stock market, or the value of the dollar against the yen.  It’s money itself.

Back in the day, a young man measured his worth using the currency of horsepower.  Your level of “cool” was directly proportional to how fast your car ran.  I would like to say that...

Which homeowners association do you belong to?  It has become almost as important a question in Mesquite as which church you attend.  And like the church, you have a certain contingent of...

First the disclaimer:  To my friends back at Gamblers Anonymous and my boss’s bosses back in Utah , who have a lot in common, I’m not much of a gambler.  First because I’m a newspaper writer...

I’m always on the lookout for signs of the impending Apocalypse, or the fiery end of time. Usually, my window of impending doom sits no further away than the entertainment center in my living... 

As humans, we are constantly on the lookout for scapegoats. Oh, we don’t use that term, but it’s conceptually accurate. You can see it in the proliferation of frivolous lawsuits. “I’m too stupid to... 

I love the new generation of cellular phones.  What I find most amazing is the plethora of choices now available for ring tones.  You know, the noise a phone makes when someone wants...

Did you notice that last Sunday was Easter?  I certainly didn’t.  The holiday snuck up on me like the Easter Bunny with mugging on his mind.

A war broke out recently that, for a change, had nothing to do with Iraq , Afghanistan , or any other oil-bearing desert region.  The war was between 50 Cent and The Game.

Well, Mesquite survived another redneck weekend.  Now before you pick up that pitchfork and break out your Zippo to light the torches, understand that there are some red-ringed branches on my family...

It’s campaign sign season.  Personally, I like the explosion of color serenading me from every street corner, with plenty of reds, whites, blues, Bulldog greens, and even hot pinks screaming...

Welcome to “The Workman Chronicles,” a new weekly column in the Desert Valley Times editorial section.  I’m sure some of you are saying “Oh no, not another annoying column by that Workman...